Lock Down
- Mar 26, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 27, 2020
This Covid-19 pandemic has produced widespread fear and anxiety. The atmosphere is saturated with it. The thing is when people are afraid it triggers the primitive part of their brain setting off their survival mode. This is what happens when people experience trauma.
This is why people act so illogically, like stockpiling toilet paper and hand wash to last them the rest of the year.
Situations and conversations around us can trigger this response. Different things trigger different people.
In New Zealand we are about to go into Level 4 lock-down. We are only allowed to leave our homes by cars to visit essential services. We are not allowed to visit parks or the beach. The beach. When I heard that my one last place of escape was being removed from me, I broke down in tears. They took my birthday trip to Napier from me and now the local beach.
You see I am a runner. When it comes to the flight, fight or freeze response, I definitely take flight. In my head, I like to know that I have an escape route. When I walk into a room, I make a quick mental assessment of the exits. It is almost a subconscious thing I do. I feel safer knowing that I have a physical escape if I need one. Facing the reality of being locked in my house for a month, and the freedom to leave removed, that is triggering.
If I feel unsafe, I want to run. I want to withdraw.
What I experience is an actual physical reaction. I feel like a cat being backed into a corner. But I can’t swipe at the government or an invisible virus.
With each lock-down measure and restrictive rule, I feel clamped down upon. We went from level 1 to level 4 in a week. That is quite a sudden, big and dramatic change. Each announcement by the Prime Minister is starting to feel like a gun to the head. Trigger, trigger, trigger.
And all those “save lives by staying home” posts on social media, don’t help to lower the barrel.
I am actually a very compliant person for the most part. You don’t need to tell me that I am basically a potential murderer if I walk within two metres of someone. I don’t want to break the rules if it means we are all stuck in lock down for more than a month. Not because I have been told by the government that tens of thousands of people could die. But because people could lose their jobs and their businesses.There are children and young people who will be trapped at home to be abused. And what about all the people who live alone?
It is easy to say; save lives, stay home. And people should. But I can understand why there would be those who would be tempted to flout the rules. Their brains are in trauma mode, screaming at them to GET OUT! There are those who will be trapped at home to experience abuse. There are children around New Zealand who will be doing more than their fair share of “saving lives by staying home.”
I am having to work from home, which is another reminder of my entrapment. I know I ought to be thankful to have a job at this time. To work in an essential service nonetheless. Which means with almost every email and phone call right now; it’s virus, virus, virus.
Facebook isn’t helping me to feel connected right now. Because it is all virus, virus, lock-down, virus, stay home, virus, virus, lock-down. It is sensory overload. It started overwhelming me today.
We often don’t realise that we are being overloaded until a wheel falls off our cart. Suddenly we are in tears or snapping at everyone.
I am writing this on the eve of lock-down. So it is all very fresh. I haven’t been able to settle into a routine yet. Maybe in a few days I will feel much different. Maybe even by the time you read this. I know I might come across as unstable.
Maybe it’s childhood trauma. Or maybe it’s Maybelline.
Even now, it is important to find some semblance of a regular routine. Put clothes on. Exercise. Get outside. Eat fruit and veges.
I will be spending less time on social media. Well that is the plan anyway. I will also be making the most of the snooze function on Facebook.
The news seems less important to me right now. I don’t need to know how many confirmed cases of Covid-19 every five minutes. There is not much I can do about it from the confines of my abode. I am not a government official making the big decisions. So I will be limiting my exposure to it.
I could read a book...or two.
I know that I will get through this. It is just trauma brain. I am safe. Eventually once the initial shock is over and I will have established a routine. Eventually my brain will have calmed and gained back some logic.
I have to remind myself that this is only temporary after all. That this too shall pass.
And then I will take to that trip to the beach.
I don’t want to assume that everyone is struggling with their mental well-being through this time. But I have decided to include some links to some helpful websites for anyone interested.
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