Of Two Worlds

I am of both Pakeha and Maori descent. A product of New Zealand’s high rate of interracial relationships.

And yet many still hold to an outdated view of ethnicity that lumps people into a single ethnicity identity. With that ethnic identity comes a whole lot of stereotyping. When someone is of a certain ethnic origin, it is decided, what they should think, believe, feel, sound like, behave like etc.

The two main ethnicities in New Zealand (at this point) are Pakeha and Maori. Much of the narrative of race relations has revolved around these two groups; the indigenous and the majority. The narrative is based on the idea that two distinctly separate groups exist together. But what are those distinctions really? Besides skin colour, what makes someone a Maori and what makes someone a Pakeha? And what about those who identify as both Maori and Pakeha? Where do we fit into this story?

It is an interesting thing to be - of mixed ethnicity. I get the feeling that our existence poses somewhat of a problem. We are not either or. We are not us or them. We are both and at the same time neither.

We don’t really spend much time sharing our personal experiences of race relations. It is too much of an emotive and scary subject for us reserved kiwis. It makes too many people feel uncomfortable. Not many feel like they have permission to discuss their experiences. So many prefer to suffer in silence. We are surprised to discover that people we thought we knew so well carry so much pain related to racism, or that others are actually incredibly ignorant. To be fair, political correctness has probably hindered some of the conversation.

I don’t look very Maori. This way I can merge very easily into the world of Pakeha. I live life as a Pakeha. But I cannot escape my Maori heritage. Not in New Zealand anyway. I try to embrace the Maori side, but that too is tricky. To Give yourself to identifying with Maori just to be reminded that because of your skin tone and/or non stereotypical behaviour, you are not a real Maori. You don’t fit the mold - stereotype.

On more than one occasion I have been privy to a spur of the moment and poorly thought out racial reconciliation/honour exercise (usually thought up by some well meaning Pakeha person in a church setting) It usually involves physically separating the Pakeha and Maori from one another. As someone who identifies as both Pakeha and Maori, I find them incredibly awkward and in all honesty - painful. I can’t stand on opposite sides of the room from myself. I cannot apologise and/or forgive myself for crimes of the past I may have committed against myself. Before you attempt something like this yourself, stop and remind yourself that we live in the 21st century.Watch out if your racial typecasting doesn’t take into account the fact that biracial and multiracial people exist.

Racism is interesting isn’t it. The number of times I have witnessed non Maori deciding what defines a Maori. How many people claim to value the Maori voice; And yet if you don’t fit their prescription they discard your experience and your voice. They look for some Maori person who fits their stereotype, to reassure them that their stereotype isn’t racist.

I have complicated feelings about being both Pakeha and Maori. Sometimes I feel like because I am both, I am actually neither. I am not fully Pakeha. But I am also not fully Maori. If we don’t belong in a box, does that mean that we don’t belong anywhere?

Most of the time I can avoid having to think about it. Every now and then I am reminded of my complicated otherness. Since I don’t look very Maori, most wouldn’t know that I have this internal conflict simmering within me. I lived overseas for a couple of years. And to be completely honest, it was nice to not have to think about my non-belonging.

I wrestle with the idea that western culture is allowed to grow and develop. And yet there are Maori who want Maori culture to stay static and unchanging. Why don’t we allow this or that? It’s always been that way. We must protect our culture.

Whose culture exactly?

I have heard both Pakeha and Maori speak about the other as though the other wasn’t listening. This is one of the benefits of being both, is that you get to hear hurtful things from both groups. You get to see what words are hidden beneath the polite smiles.

While studying at university I heard some Pakeha say that Maori students don’t have to work as hard or pay as much for university. It’s easier for THEM to get degrees. They said. (Thank you Don Brash for perpetrating that conspiracy)

I have had nice christian friends make racist jokes at the dinner table and then get defensive and angsty when I called them out. I just love the “I was just joking, can’t you take a joke” defence after making some bigoted statement.

I remember that while I was University I had a group of Maori friends and a separate group of Pakeha friends. During one week I visited a chain retail clothing store with my Pakeha group of friends, the shop assistants and the manager’s behaviour seemed nothing out of the ordinary. Then later that week I visited that same store with my Maori friends. The assistants gave the group funny looks and the same shop manager from earlier stalked them around the store. Both university students, same income. The only thing that separated them was ethnicity.

I have heard Maori talk about Pakeha with disdain, as though every Pakeha person was a cruel coloniser.

THEY

THEM

Well I am both they and them. These people would then praise each other to their faces, not realising, that through me, they had insulted each other to each other’s faces.

New Zealand is ahead of many countries when it comes to race relations. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t still have a long way to go.

When Taika Waititi called on racism in New Zealand in an American publication, there were New Zealanders who flipped out. People wanted him to have his New Zealander of the Year title revoked. How dare he call us out publicly? His personal experience as a Maori New Zealander didn’t fit with our international media driven image as a race relations utopia. His experience offended people, so they wanted him to stop sharing his experience

As I set out to write about my experience as Pakeha/Maori, I am reminded of how extensive this issue of race, ethnicity and culture is. We can’t ignore it and hope that it will simply take care of itself. So maybe the best thing to do is probably talk about it. And to listen.

Those of us who are of two worlds could reach both worlds without letting either one determine to define us.

“It is more powerful to speak up then to silently resent.” - author unknown

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion. People learn to hate and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” – Nelson Mandela