Who am I?

That is a tricky question.

I always hated having to answer that question. What do you mean? Do you want to know what I do for a job? What are my hobbies? My relationships?

If the answer is what I do for a living, then I really didn't like answering that question. Probably because whatever I have done to pay the bills was never my passion. I was going to look into that a little later, but the years went by. And it was no longer ' filling in time', to this is what I do now.

Hobbies. What if my hobbies are not cool enough? What if I come across as boring and unadventurous. And then there is the relationship question. Are you married? Do you have children? Because, clearly at my age I should have reached those all important markers of adulthood.

I am a woman. I am a christian. I am an introvert. I am a New Zealander. These are four things that play a significant part of my identity.

I could tell you that my Myers-Briggs is INFJ. My DISC type is CSI. I could tell you my Enneagram, but I got down to one of three types - 4, 6 or 9 - and then lost interest.

I value vulnerability and honesty. I value empathy and justice. I value kindness, humility and open mindedness. I value truth and yet also mystery. I prefer that people do what they say they will do.

I wish that I were more bold, more assertive, and more disciplined. i wish that I was more of a 'get out and take life by the horns' kind of person. I wish that I was better at keeping in contact with friends.

I fear failure. I fear conflict. I fear rejection and I fear being taken advantage of. I fear getting to the end of my life and not having made a significant impact on somebody's life.

I hate injustice. I hate dishonesty. I hate pretense. I hate when power is abused. I hate that in the world there is such cruelty and pain.

But I love that in the world there is such beauty. I love nature. I love that there are people who fight injustice and love people. Especially those who love and serve others who can not do anything for them in return. I celebrate both the peacemakers and the troublemakers.

I enjoy writing. Writing is how I get the jumbled thoughts and feelings inside of me to make sense. Writing is my catharsis. And I hope that in some way I could help others to put words to what they are feeling.

So there you have it. A quick summary of me.

Thank you for stopping by. xx

#identity #blog #ruminations